A Regular Family
by Shadows42
Summary: No, not regular as in normal, regular as in tennis club regular. The Rikkaidai regulars decided who should be who, in a family, of course. But in the end, there is still one unanswered question... Rikkaidai One-shot.


**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I do not own Prince of Tennis. Very sad.

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"You know, we should figure out who is who in the family."

Seven heads turned to stare at Niou, who had adopted a thinking expression.

"What?" Kirihara almost smashed a tennis ball into a poor freshman's face.

"Didn't you know? Seigaku had already figured out who is who."

By now, all non-regular members had backed away. Everyone on the tennis club knew better than to intervene, accidently or not, when the regulars were talking like this.

"True. Sadaharu told me about it the other day. Sadaharu himself is the father. Oishi Syuichirou is the mother, with a nickname of Shuuko. Fuji Syuusuke is the grandmother, whilst Tezuka Kunimitsu is the grandfather. Echizen Ryoma is the eldest brother, Momoshiro Takeshi the tomboy-ish younger daughter, and Kaidoh Kaoru the infant brother. Kikumaru Eiji is the family cat." Yanagi took out his trusty notebook read directly from it.

"What the hell?" Marui summed up everyone's thoughts. Excluding Niou, of course.

"But think about it! Wouldn't it be considered losing if we didn't sort out who's who as well?"

Yagyuu pushed his glasses up, "Niou is correct. Considering that we have lost to them in the Nationals already, I think we should beat them at this."

This immediately sent every regular into competitive mode. Niou grinned.

"I think Mura-buchou should be the mother!" Kirihara walked over, nodding to himself.

"I agree. Out of all of us, Yukimura is the most feminine and easily a motherly figure to all of us." Jackal looked as if he hadn't just basically called his buchou, one of the strongest _male_ tennis players in middle school, a female.

"Alright. So then buchou is the mother. Who's the father?" No one noticed Yukimura's smile turn slightly… Predatory.

"Sanada. I am 94% certain that is what everyone except Sanada himself is thinking." Yanagi looked down, flipping through his notebook. Once again, no one noticed Yukimura's smile; which had turned back into a somewhat-normal smile.

"Then we've sorted out the mother and the father. What about the grandparents?" To the observing non-regulars, Niou seemed to be in charge of everything.

"Niou." It was unanimous. If you looked closely enough, you could even see Sanada nodding.

"What? Why me?"

"You're the only person with white hair. Naturally it'd be you, Niou-sempai." Kirihara snickered.

"Why you…."

Coughing slightly, and restraining his doubles partner, Yagyuu continued on.

"Then who's the grandmother?"

"You."

"Wait a moment, how does—" Yagyuu was cut off rudely by everyone agreeing to Niou's statement.

"C'mon, Hiroshi! We can be married!" Niou grinned and did a perfect imitation of a fangirl. Yagyuu flinched away.

"But then doesn't that mean that Niou-sempai got Yagyuu-sempai pregnant? And they did it?" Kirihara blinked, innocent as ever.

Silence.

"Everyone in this family is adopted." Jackal spoke up, trying to shove extremely disgusting pictures out of his mind. Marui nodded, hurriedly popping his gum.

"Okay then... We need a pet, don't we?"

Everyone, excluding the Sannin Bakemono, exchanged glances.

"Kirihara."

"WHAT? Why me?" Everyone merely looked at him as if it was as obvious as tennis being the centre of their lives.

"Mura-buchou!" Kirihara resorted to whining.

"It's okay. What animal would you like to be?"

"I think I know. Seigaku had Kikumaru Eiji as a cat. Naturally, we should have a dog." Yanagi finally looked up from his notebook.

Niou snickered, "Kirihara is a dog, then!"

Kirihara twitched. He turned around and was about to stomp off, until Sanada suddenly spoke up.

"Stay. Sit."

Noting his tone of voice, Kirihara turned back around and did so.

Niou wasn't the only one who laughed this time, "Such an obedient dog."

"Now, now, let's move onto the children." Yukimura _smiled_.

"Er… I'll be the youngest!" Marui raised his hand.

"Normally people would want to be the oldest…" Niou blinked.

"Yeah, but in my family, the youngest always gets the most sweets." Marui popped his gum.

"Then… How about Jackal can be the oldest son, whilst Yanagi can be the second son?"

"But didn't Yanagi-sempai say that Seigaku had a daughter?" Kirihara was still sitting obediently on the floor.

The three children glanced at each other. Jackal and Yanagi pointed at Marui, whilst Marui pointed at Yanagi. The other regulars smirked.

"Marui. Alright! Everything is decided!" Niou grinned. He ignored the glare the sweets-lover shot at him.

"We have the family dog, Kirihara. The three children in order from oldest to youngest; Jackal, Yanagi and Marui, who is the daughter. We have the parents; Yukimura, who is the mother, and Sanada, the father. Yagyuu is the grandmother, whilst Niou is the grandfather." Yanagi scribbled everything into his notebook. He paused.

"What's wrong, Renji?" Yukimura's voice already sounded…. Female.

"We need a nickname for Yukimura."

Yagyuu nodded, "Oishi Syuichirou became Shuuko, am I correct?"

Yanagi nodded as well. Everyone began to mentally scroll through names.

"Yukiko!" Kirihara exclaimed.

"How did you come up with that?" Marui wasn't the only one who was curious.

"I can explain. Normally, names ending with 'ko' mean the name is female. Shuuko is the feminine version of Syuichirou. But in this case—" Yanagi was cut off.

"Yuki!" Niou clapped his hands together, looking like he had just invented the cure for cancer.

"Indeed. In this case, Yuki on its own is already a feminine name." Yanagi knew that no one would pay attention to his complaints about being cut off.

"Then it's set, isn't it? Yukimura is Yuki!"

"And so we have our regular family…" Yagyuu twitched.

"But there is one more problem." Yanagi spoke up again.

The others looked at him.

"Is the family matriarchal," he turned to 'Yuki', "Or patriarchal?" he turned to Sanada.

There was silence.

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**A/N:** A very bad attempt as craziness. Rikkaidai is epic. Anyways; please review. I would love to know what you thought, or even another idea for another one-shot.

Thanks!


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